Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Lets pretend you can be taken back to your old days. The days when you were innocent and had no clue what life is about. The days when playing with mud was cool and joyful and simply fun. The days when the famous music track was the ABC and the best movie ever was The Sound of Music. The days when you can’t wait for the next morning to come and jump out of bed to get ready for a bright beginning. The days when you were a KID nothing more is expected from you but being that KID...

Lets pretend that you can go back to your childhood. Go back to the tree climbing, fingers sucking, torn socks, play grounds and coloring pencils. 
Me, in those days I really believed that I could turn into a colored butterfly. that my tinny skinny body will transform into this thing that will just fly and see the world. As long as my wings were colored I didn’t mind the size. then I realized in order for me to get as far as I want to go I needed to be faster then a butterfly so I would most probably turn into a falcon. An Arabic Desert falcon. 
I was very innocent that I thought that I will always remain a KID. I followed my sisters everywhere. One of my sisters in particular. I think I found her (interesting). She was annoyed rather than happy to my useless companionship. I asked too many unwanted questions out of curiosity, and sometimes just to prove my being. With the answers, I got my wisdom. I don’t think that she knew that she was rising a KID, her being a kid her self. My sister did me a great favor. 
Through out the years that annoying tagalong relation turned into attachment. Not only side to side attachment but even mind and thoughts attachment. We spoke the same, laughed the same sounded the same looked the same, walked the same, even had the same likes and dislikes. Together we were unstoppable. We had each others secrets, backs, support, comfort but most of all, we had each other when ever we needed someone to talk to, fight with, express without being judged. We knew no matter what was said or done separation was not an option. It wasn’t even in our category. we were there for each others souls if not bodies. Minds if not connected.  
she enjoyed me singing for her. She always though that I had this amazing voice which moves her emotions and gathers her tears to the edge of her eyes. I enjoyed her stories the most, she could tell me the same story about what happened to her once twice and three time without her realizing how many time she repeated that same story to me again and again. We always had something to do together. After all the years that we were stuck into each other, we found our companionship still interesting and full of life laughter and sometimes tears. 
My sister and I always know that we were soul mates. we planned this life together. after we grow old and useless. where will we live, where we will travel. Who will take the master bedroom when our small house with green garden is ready. What will happen then, to our cars, kids and us. Our lives were planned to the maximum that we forgot that we don’t really belong here. We don’t really live here, we are just passing through. There is no planning for the future while on earth. There is alway an ending and she was taken in the time were I never had imagined. No sickness, no accident, no hospitals, no operations, no medicine not even age was involved. My sister passed away. and I was once again, left alone and LOST...
I lived my childhood unknowing that my path will be the hardest. I lived it not prepared for these days. I live it with my partner in life with my sister with the one who loved me the most and cherished the time we spent together. I lived my life with my teacher, my friend, my family and my mother. She was all of those I swear she was. 
So once again, If you can be taken back to your past where would you choose. I would definitely choose a day on the beach with my sister, holding hands, singing, laughing playing with the sand and not thinking about anything (but us).... 
May your soul rest in peace ... with LOVE your annoying sister 

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Ways of HEALING...

Everyone has his own way of healing... Some heal faster than the other, some hide the damages made and intend to move on. Some of us never forget and seek their revenges. But I’ll tell you today what my way is

I COOK.... 

Yes, honestly it did me very well. I cook, with love and passion. I give the dish my ALL. time, feeling and dedicate to a perfect tasteful meal for my family or sometimes friends.

You might think that I am joking or being sarcastic (as usual) but NOT THIS TIME  :)

See, healing needs time. Needs mind off the cause of damage. Needs to put out your best side and give others to get peace of mind and some satisfaction. If you loose your self in any way you might find it in the slightest smallest thing you do. like cooking... 

everyday I intend to get damaged, and everyday I look for a new recipe which will start from the tung. Hmmmmm what do I feel like tasting today? Is it hot and spicy chicken? Chinese Manchurian? Stake ribeye? Fish in coconut cream? or tacos? Indian? American? Asian? or even sweets :) 

So I choose my healing dish and I start getting recipes from friends, cooking books or even the internet. I go grocery shopping for fresh tomatoes, green leafs, going through the ally of the market looking, seeking and finding the missing puzzle of my healing dish.... then I head home. Put my best T-shirt on. wash my hands and start cutting up and cooking, turning and tasting with lots of love and joy. more salt, less lime. More color and at the time the dish is being prepared I think to my self: (who ever tried to damage me, look where I am now. I am in joy. I am giving out my best. I am cooking I AM Healing). 

Preparing the dish is like preparing your self to look at another angle of your life. If you, in your mind, determine that life is not about one thing which happened or one person who will switch your mood on and off whenever he/she desire. Then and only then, you have your own healing method. 

Living your life shouldn't always be about achieving or meeting your goals. to some people, living your life is simply about passing your day with joy, calmness and among the people that you love. Laughing on a dinner table describing your day and sharing your thoughts with them is more than enough for me. Satisfaction is achievable we just need to believe in our selves and COOK... :)

Happy day every one and enjoy the small things in life with acceptance 

Monday, February 20, 2012

Me, My self and I

Recently, observing my driving skills, I have noticed that my life could simply be called A MESS.

I malty task like crazy forgetting the fact that I am only HUMAN and this can fire back at me at any time (which it already did that’s why I’m writing about it)…

On my way to work the radio was on (BU OMAR morning show) concentrating on the topic UAE is giving more than 1700 Emirates pass port to the non locals "not my issue here", while doing that I was eating my breakfast in the car, drinking hot tea after every bite of my sandwich. Reading my morning prayers, deciding which road I should take and still listening to the radio turned high on DON’T FORGET “I’M DRIVING”…

To me, this is the least of malty tasking I do. “You should see me at home” TV has to be on, I can’t take the silence of the rooms, reading or writing something while my mind is on (how in the hell can I pay my March bills) while my hands are moving I’m thinking if I should apply a nail polish or leave them as they are. While this thought is in my mind I already left the book heading to the nail polish box and picking up a color. Off course all this is being done while I’m on the phone with a friend who I’m trying to solve her problems with her hubby who doesn’t want to travel this summer because of the high expenses.

This was just a simple sample of a ten minutes of my life, you can imagine the 24 hours DISCLUDING my sleeping hours (I sleep like a baby) alhamdullelah

I’m starting forgetting things EASELY.

Where are my keys?

I know that person but can’t recall the name

What did I come here for?

My Goodness missed that road

Why am I in the supermarket?

Which meeting? With who? When? Why?

I’m hungry and I have a snack in my drawer, I’ll go and order

I need to print and I have papers on my desk, I’ll go to stationery room

I swear one time I was in my car with toilet sandals, forgot to take them off…

Do you really want me to go one…? Uhhh BuGGer

The thing is my brain is so used of not keeping it simple, it has all those unnecessary thoughts that takes too much space. I am not focusing on one thing. I am every where all the time. If I close my eyes in this moment I can literally see my thoughts flying all around
I was reading my blog, and I notice that there are many unfinished blogs that I intend to leave them that way cause once that publish button is pressed there is another thought replacing my mind…

Leave to here every one, catch up with you soon I REALLY HOPE. And wish me LUCK

Monday, December 26, 2011

why did I say

“I DO”

Why do we get married?

Why do we think that marriage is happiness

Why does the soul-mate has to be the opposite agenda?

Why do we tolerate people at work but we can’t tolerate the ones at home?

Why do we use hurtful words to the ones we mostly love?

Why life is not as simple as a fairy tail?

Questions I know I will never find answers for but I will keep on hoping for the best.


I always thought that once the man of my dreams appears then that would be my forever after. Unfortunately, I got to realize there is nothing called “forever” at least not in love stories. Marriage is just a tie which holds you in a prison our society calls (Al 3ish al zawjiya) or even (Al qafa9 al thahabi) TRANSLATION: the golden cage...

So they do admit it is a cage, but they paint it in gold “WAAW what a color”. Now knowing it’s a cage WHY do we drag our selves in it?!!! I wont call it stupid or naive. I think it’s that hope that we all in one point have, the hope of finding peace, love and respect. The hope in finding our partners in life. The hope in finding and living the fairy tails that we all have been dreaming of since we were in PINK.

In the other side what we all get is:

WHERE are you going (dahhhhh)

WHO gave you PORMMITION to eat at this time

WHY did you sleep (My goodness)

You HAVE to wait for me (me as the KING ya3nee)

WERE u REALLY at your mom’s

WHAT are you thinking about (7ashaaaa 3ad he even want's to get into my brains)

WHY are you wearing perfume

There is no SALT in the food

the sheet is TOO soft

the water is TOO cold

DON’T visit your friends

You don’t love me like before, you changed (I wonder why?@##*)

Pick up my clothes

Wash my londry

Dry my towel

Take care of the kids

I want the house SILENT although we have a 4 months old baby (yaaa put a tape on his mouth)

Look like a dall (even when you wake up)

Go grocery shopping

DON’T ask me where I spent the night

DON’t ask who my friends are

DON’t ARGUE AT ALL (you are a wife, body with no brains nor feelings)

DON’T compare your self to me I am a MAN

I can get Jealous u can't feel that way, you are a women

I AM THE MAN (uhhhhhh please give me a break)

MEN side of the story...

Later... After more investigations

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


How bad could the people around impact you…

You go and say to your self how strong and willing you are and how “what ever what happens” you wont let people around you change who you really are. But guess what (YOU ARE WRONG)…

I my self was one of those people, I am in my own world living in my white quite shell until BOOOOM there she was.

Short chick she was (is). Big dull eyes, very small lips “not to be seen at all”, un recognized features I have to say. Always covered in black, way TOOOO skinny and so harsh tone of voice. To me she looks like an under covered witch. (surely this is all after so many incidents with her, I have to be fare some how).

When I first got to know her she seemed to me like a Mother Teresa (or at least she wanted to look like one). Caring, giving, warm and loving but behind you she could poke you with a hook saying it was he sister who did it.

Now skipping all the incidents which accord and from reading so many books about SAICOPATHES I began to wonder. When do they really need to be locked behind white rooms or bars? Do we really have to wait for them to kill some one or become literally insane for us to take an action?

Ok I am being a bit sarcastic about things but come on people. Can’s you see? Some times a human mind can do something bad to harm another but can a normal human mind have two different personalities where he/she does the damage and play the innocent part. I am writing thing cause I can see every one around me not feeling the second she but yet they treat her with pureness while she is eating their flesh.

Uhhh what ever… I am back

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Me & my soul mate

and they lived happily ever after

That’s what every single story I can remember reading ends up with, but, in the real life happily ever after doesn’t exist (unless you enjoy watching Shrek in lala land). Who is your soul mate? Is the one you find now will still be your soul mate after 10 years? Are we ready to commit for ever and ever? Why do we get married? Is it for breading?

The subject opened up from a girl’s group cession that I joined in Dubai. It was about Arabic women and how they dealt with the daily pressure in life. While I was on silent observing every one around me for the first hour I noticed that most of the young women attended were ether divorced, separated or on a limbo commitment. My questions started targeting individuals to avoid insulting them or getting them to feel unconfident although I knew that I was invading their privacy but I still went on. The subject went out loud whit in few minutes turning to discussions and debates.

(I got my divorce knowing deep inside that I can find someone better out there)… That was her comment giving me a slight curiosity about her dark mind. So you didn’t have any problems during your marriage? I asked. (Not really.. I had a peaceful life with him but he wasn’t the one that I could call my soul mate and I wasn’t ready to continue with my life just for the sake of marriage) as bold as she was I liked her answer. She loved her emotions and was ready to face the unknown even when she wasn’t sure her soul mate existed out there…

Unfortunately me admiring this lady didn’t last that long. Yes it was a smart answer, maybe, but what if she found her “soul mate" now and 10 years in her relation had passed, would they still have the same attraction, interest, likeness or feelings? That means every time she doesn’t feel the same she’ll leave him seeking for another… if that’s it, then she’s lucky (being sarcastic).

Now, are we have great expectations on our partners and that’s why we are losing them within time? Remembering my grand mother’s and mother’s generation divorce and separation where not a trend. It was rare and not acceptable. Today a woman just stood in front of every one (still admiring her being outrageous) and said indirectly that she’s going to seek for her man no matter what religion, morals, decency or even respect has to say.

Ya jama3a, how pity

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

ENCHANTED aweeeeen...

Movies… I love kids movies with all the imaginations and the innocent laughter. The Enchanted was the movie that I went to watch with babies cuddling along with me, surprise it wasn’t a movie you could take children to. The first song was about (THE FIRST KISS) and the perfect lips. UHHHHH I was stuck in that chair and was too late for me to leave.

Hoping the movie will not continue on the same level unfortunately it did and even worst. As we went on watching all those stupid love parts, love songs and camera been zoomed on the lips while kissing.

I heard about brain washing but this time I really felt it, mothers and fathers with their kids were laughing while the movie was targeting corruption. Now the child will just watch a love movie but wait until he/she turns 10 and above. The movie, the moments and the curiosity will still be there. Our kids will live in corruption and our new generation will aim for sex before their age.

If I haven’t been living abroad I would say (I’m too Arabic to write about kids movie in this way) but I’ve bee living in UK and been opened kids channel every day. They were so careful of what they show their kids. I have never seen any grown up picture or heard any love conversations in kids channel. I surely don’t recall seeing a kissing part.

Did the cinema management watch the movie before showing it to the public? Or is it CoOol and civilized having movies shown openly even to our children? Did any one feel what I felt while the movie was playing? Is there any thing wrong here or is it just me???